Expectations

God shows his love for us by reminding us that He is in charge.

One of my greatest worries immediately after my mission was that I had lost the blessings that were promised in my patriarchal blessing. I was convinced that I was a failure. God assuaged my feelings not with a thought or feeling, but with a person. That person was Millie.

After my mission, Millie was kind to me. I don’t recall what she did, but I do remember feeling loved and accepted. 

After her mission I heard that she needed a ride to Institute, so I messaged her and offered her a ride. As I messaged her, I was once again filled with the same love and acceptance I had experienced immediately after my mission. 

I gave her a ride and when she got in my car, I said, “Millie, I have some things to say and I don’t want you to interrupt. I’ve decided that we are going to be best friends. Anytime you need a ride anywhere, church, institute, or work, ask me first. I want to spend time with you. Ok?” I don’t remember if she laughed at me, although she probably did. I do remember those next few weeks.

Every day I would wake up somewhere around 4:45 am to take Millie to work 30 minutes away. This time was filled with stories from our missions and daily scripture study. For me, the most important and most memorable moment came in a simple statement from Millie. She said, “You had as many experiences in your short mission as I had in mine.” Whether that was true or not does not matter. The message was clear, at least to me. 

My patriarchal blessing says this about my mission, “I bless you that as you serve as a missionary that you will have experiences that will fill a reservoir of discussions…” One of the “soul crushing” lies that Satan told me after my mission was that I had lost all of the blessings promised me. My mission had only been 6 months, how could it fill a “reservoir of discussion?” This single sentence from Millie uncovered the well of hope in my heart. 

It is important that we curb our expectations and assumptions about God’s work. He is in charge. He fulfills His promises in His own way. We must continually align and realign our expectations and assumptions with the reality of who and what God is. 

He is our Father in heaven. He loves us perfectly. He blesses us perfectly. He places people into our lives perfectly. His Plan of Salvation is infinitely better, more intimate, more complete, than any plan of our own.